Lyra Heartstrings was not feeling well.

That wasn’t that she was sick; physically, she felt fine. However, emotionally, she felt down, almost depressed. She expected her book to sell… better, to say the least. Maybe a few thousand sales at least. Or at least a few hundred on the low end, seeing as what she wrote was more of a niche topic. But she’d just gotten her earnings report, and learned that she’s sold a grand total of… three books. Not three thousand, not three hundred, not even thirty. Just three. Three ponies in all of Equestria thought her book was worth buying. It should have done better! Heck, even The Adventures of the Mailmare had done better, and that couldn’t have possibly been anywhere near as good as learning about humans. What was the problem?

“It’s alright, Lyra,” Bon Bon told the grumpy looking mare as the two of them sat in front of the park, the latter sitting oddly as usual, her back pressed against the bench in an uncomfortable position. “So it didn’t do well. Big deal. Lots of books don’t do well. You just have to try again next time.”

“Humph,” her marefriend responded, flicking her mane out of her face. “Only three ponies bought it. Three. And you and I were two of them. How could it have possibly done so bad?”

“Well, maybe it’s because-”

“Don’t you say it,” Lyra interrupted. “I know they’re real. I know it. I just have to prove it.” She paused for a moment and turned away from her, continuing, “I know you don’t even believe me.”

“I believe you,” she responded quickly. “I was only going to say that maybe it’s because nopony knows what that creature even is and has never heard of them.”

“Well, they would if they bought the book…”

She just couldn’t get over the fact that nopony bought her book, especially after all the work she went through to get her information. Sneaking into the Royal Library, walking through the Everfree forest to talk to that zebra, Zecora. Heck, she even went through the Great Cheese Incident and had to deal with those ravens! Sweet Celestia, those ravens…

And yet, despite all of that, her book went largely unsold, and she didn’t know why. Was it too confusing? She had to admit, getting into learning about humans was difficult, but that’s what the book was for! Maybe it was too scary. She could imagine that learning about a creature who was taller than a yak and could level a forest in the blink of an eye was scary, but the book also taught what you should do if you saw one! Buying the book could save somepony’s life should one happen to appear! Not that she had ever seen one, but strange things happened in Ponyville all the time! There was a chance!

“If it makes you feel better,” Bon Bon started sympathetically, using a hoof to rub the mare’s leg, “one pony bought it, so that’s one more pony who knows what those creatures are. And they’ll tell somepony, and that pony will tell somepony else, and before you know it, all of Equestria will be buying your book.”

“You’re just saying that…”

“I’m not. That’s what happened with my candy shop. At first, nopony went there, and now it’s busy practically every day. And also, I’m sure they enjoy it, the pony who bought your book. They wouldn’t buy it if they hated it.”

“You really think so?” Lyra asked, looking back up at Bon Bon.

“I know so,” she responded sweetly, leaning down to give her a kiss on the cheek. “I bet they’re reading it right now, and are glad they bought it.”

“This book is horrible!” Twilight Sparkle thought to herself as she read through. Coming from anypony else, it might have been something to shrug off, but the studious alicorn herself saying a book was horrible? There was a better chance of Celestia dropping dead before Twilight said such a thing about a book.

Not that it wasn’t an unfair statement to make as she read through Humans: A Guide to Equestria’s Most Mysterious Race. There were more than a few issues, the very first being the book’s setup. It looked more like a haphazard collection of notes than a book, and note taking was something Twilight took seriously. Notes should always be neat, tidy, and organized in her opinion, although this pony clearly disagreed. Some thoughts were ended and picked back up in other places, sometimes they were incomplete entirely. Factoids were sometimes added in the middle of long paragraphs about a different subject entirely, placed in a way that even a very careful reader like herself could miss. Some of the things in the book were just blatantly wrong (Princess Celestia clearly raised the sun each day. How could she possibly rotate all of Equus around to see it?). There wasn't even a table of contents to find information! It was a mish-mash of issues, and honestly, if it weren’t for Twilight’s attitude of reading books all the way through, she would have shelved it.

The one thing she had to admit that it had going for it was that it was interesting. She certainly couldn’t say it was boring, that much was clear. Although despite the intrigue it brought, she didn’t appreciate how it treated itself as factual. She certainly would have remembered learning about a country filled with the strange creatures in her History of Equestria class if it were true, or at least a legend. And really, how could some creature read somepony’s mind? Not even Princess Luna with her knowledge of dreams could do that. She found herself wondering if the pony who wrote this, Lyra Heartstring the book said, truly believed what they wrote or if they just wanted to sell their book. Regardless though, they clearly needed a lesson or three in history and mythology, as well as a few in book writing and formatting.

“Can you believe this, Spike?” she called from her spot in Golden Oaks Library, her wings outstretched as she sat at one of the tables. “Somepony really thought this was a marketable book. I’m surprised they were even able to get it published and sold in stores.”

“Is that the hoo-man book you bought the other day?” the dragon asked as he came into the room.

“Human, and yes, it is, although it clearly wasn’t a good investment. Just listen to this.” The alicorn cleared her throat and read, “‘Humans are the precursor race to ponies, and perhaps yaks as well, all having evolved from them. Because of this, we can infer that they have the ability to grant wishes, much like fae can.’ I mean, how can you even infer that? What is that claim based on? Not to mention, nopony even thinks fae exist! Can you believe this, Spike?”

“Well, I mean, if they grant wishes, I would want to meet one. I even know what I would wish for…” he trailed off, hearts in his eyes at the thought of Rarity.

“Forget it. They aren’t even real, and in the very small chance that they were, you wouldn’t want to wish for something because they might trick you, like genies are said to do in mythology.”

“Well, a dragon can hope, can’t he?” Spike replied, Twilight sticking her tongue out at him in response. The two shared a laugh at that before Twilight turned back to the book to continue. She had to admit to herself, even despite the book’s flaws and mistruths, it was pretty interesting to imagine such a creature existing. If it did exist, there’d be so many tests she could run and notes she could take and lists she could make… just the thought of it made her excited.

“Well, forget it,” the mare thought to herself. “As interesting as it would be if humans were real, this is clearly just Lyra’s fantasy. Once I finish this book, it’s going right on the shelf. I might also have to talk to her about responsible publishing because of the issues in here."

On the shelf is where it stayed for several weeks after she finished reading it, the alicorn largely forgetting about it as she went about her day, day after day. It wasn’t until she saw the author out near the candy shop while walking through Ponyville that she remembered her mental note to speak to her about the book.

“Lyra! Lyra Heartstrings!” Twilight called to the mare, quickly flying over and accidentally bumping into her, still getting used to her new wings.

“Ow…” the pony mumbled as she rubbed her nose. “What are you- oh! Twilight! I mean- Princess Twilight! What are you… oh, um…” She quickly bowed to her awkwardly, flustered by her sudden appearance.

“I keep telling ponies they don’t need to do that, Lyra,” Twilight explained embarrassedly. “Besides, I’ve known you forever. You don’t need to bow to me.”

“Okay, but um… what brings you here?”

“I wanted to talk to you about that book you wrote. The one about humans?”

“Oh! You bought Humans: A Guide to Equestria’s Most Mysterious Race? What did you think of it? Was it good? Did you read the part about how-”

“I read it all, Lyra,” Twilight interrupted, “and I have to say…”

“She’s going to say it’s the greatest book she’s ever read!” Lyra thought happily, an eager smile plastered on her face. "She's going to tell all her friends, and then they'll tell their friends, and everypony will know humans are real!"

“This book is terrible!”

“Awww, thank yo- wait, what?”

“I’m not going to even talk about how it’s structured, because far more concerning is the factual errors written in it. I mean, it said that those creatures lived all across Equestria and that we evolved from them! It’s completely ludicrous! Ponies could read that book and believe some of the statements in there are actually real! As an author, you have a responsibility to ponies to make sure they’re getting correct information when they read, or to label your work as fiction otherwise.”

“W-what?” the mare asked confused. “Everything in there is true! I researched it all myself! All of it is one hundred percent real!”

“I’ve been Celestia’s student for years, and I know that she doesn’t rotate the whole planet! I also know that she doesn’t keep a collection of human figurines like you say she does in the book. What you wrote is completely ridiculous, and it’s practically slander! I honestly can’t tell if you did this as a joke or if you really think all of what you wrote is true!”

“She definitely does do that! And humans did live in Equestria before! That’s why there aren’t that many forests anymore! Because humans destroyed them all before they evolved into ponies!”

“Humans aren’t real!” Twilight countered. “They’re mentioned nowhere in any history book and they aren’t even in pony mythology!”

“They’re in zebra mythology! And yaks! If they aren’t real, then why do we have doorknobs? They fit human hands better than ponies' hooves, like they were made for them!”

“Doorknobs are shaped to fit earth ponies’ hoof grip, Lyra,” the purple mare explained. “It’s easier to grip a round object than it is a square or triangle object, regardless of whether you use hooves, wings, magic, or hands like dragons have.”

“Even if that’s true, which it’s not, that doesn’t disprove the fact that humans are real,” Lyra argued.

“They’re not! I would know if they existed! Do you know how many different books I’ve read about the history of Equestria and Equestrian mythology?”

“Clearly not the right ones. I would tell you to try summoning a human, but I won’t just because they’re so dangerous, and you’d be unprepared for them.”

“Oh, you mean that ridiculous “list” at the back of the book? And if they’re so dangerous, why put it in the book for everypony to see? That’s what I was saying about being irresponsible!”

“It’s only dangerous if you’re somepony who doesn’t know what they’re doing because you didn’t read the book! You’d probably mess it up and hurt yourself summoning one!”

“Why don’t we try summoning one then, since you’re such an expert? And then when nothing happens, you can make sure everypony knows that this book is fictional.”

“We can try summoning one, as long as you’re not afraid of how dangerous it is.”

“Humph. I’m not afraid,” Twilight told her haughtily. “It’s not like anything is gonna happen.”

Archard was excited for the day. Every third Wednesday of the month was game day, where he and his friends played Ogres and Oubliettes, a ponified version of Dungeons and Dragons. It was a game based on the show My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, one of Archard’s favorite shows. Although the show had recently ended, he and his friends still got together to play the game, and they always had a good time.

They didn’t just play the game, either. They went all out, dressing up in costume while they played and occasionally going out to different areas of the country to play as well. They knew it was a stereotypical example of what a “brony” was considered to be, but they didn’t care. It was fun and they enjoyed it, even if they sometimes got weird looks.

Today though, it was storming outside, which they expected and planned for. Their battle today was supposed to be fought in the rain (Archard has cast a rain spell in their last session), so it made it more realistic that there was thunder and lighting. It made the experience that much better, even if it meant getting a bit wet.

“I cast Hyperus Trabem,” Archard called out from beneath his Star Swirl the Bearded cloak. As he said it, a flash of lightning shone in the distance, followed by a rumble of thunder as the rain pattered on his hat a bit harder than before, the storm starting to pick up.

“The ogre is armed with a reflector shield and sends the attack back to you,” his friend, Michael, replied, the host of the game. “You’ve only a few seconds to get out of the way.” As though he and his friend, Troy, were really about to be hit by something, they dove out of the way and into the mud.

“I want to try negotiating with it,” Troy got out before standing up. “Hey, ogre! We’ll give you a hundred bits if you let us through here!”

“Someone roll for persuasion?”

Archard pressed a button on his phone to roll a virtual die, and announced, “It’s um, nine!”

“Make it three hundred bits, and the ogre will let you through.”

“Alright, ogre, it’s your funeral. Come on, Archard, we’re going to cast Hyperus Trabem Duplex.”

“No, you cast Hyperus Trabem, I’ll cast Fulmineum before that. It should cut right through his reflector, and then you’ll be able to take him down.”

“It depends on how strong your Fulmineum is!” Mike called out.

“We’re in a thunderstorm,” Archard called back. “Even if I roll a five or something, it should still be pretty dang strong, I think.”

“This would be easier if Aaron and Lee were out here, but noooooo, they don’t wanna get a little wet… alright, let’s do this. Give me your phone so I can see your roll.”

Lightning struck a bit closer to the trio as Archard threw his phone over to his friend.

“The bulk of the storm is getting closer,” Mike said as the heavy rain quickly turned into a downpour. “You’re going to need to roll for accuracy too, since you might not be able to see the ogre through the rain.”

“Whatever, I cast Fulmineum!” Archard announced, striking a pose with his arms as though he really were shooting the spell from his fingertips.

“What’s the roll for power?” Mike asked as Troy pressed a button on his friend's phone.

“Uhhh… natural twenty!”

The clouds above Archard charged dangerously with electricity, causing his hair to start to stand up.

“What about accuracy?”

“It looks like… that’s natural twenty, too!”

The next instant, a powerful strike of lightning hit Archard, causing his friends to gasp as he was sent off to somewhere else.

“This is completely absurd,” Twilight mumbled to herself as she and Lyra stood in the Golden Oaks Library. The two were surrounded by an assortment of objects and things, namely a chicken running around leaving track marks in the floor, as well as an anchor that was covered in rust. There were other things as well, some Twilight guessed could have some magical use, like incense candles that lit up in the room and a pentagram drawn in chalk on the floor. Other things didn’t make any sense to her at all. I mean, what was the point of having an open jar of honey nearby and four stuffed animals sitting on a windowsill in the next room? The mare almost considered telling Lyra off, but she figured she might as well prove her wrong first.

“I mean, what’s the point of whether or not we had a glass of water beforehoof?" Twilight asked. "It doesn’t make any sense at all.”

“If you read the book, you’d know that humans are mostly water, so drinking water before we summon one will let it know we’re friendly.”

“Oh, I’m sure. I’m also sure we’ll summon one using this ridiculous setup that has absolutely no basis in any thaumatology class.”

“You’ll see, I promise. Just don’t scream when it shows up. That could make it angry. Now, do you have that net ready just in case it tries to escape?”

“Yes, I do,” Twilight sighed, thinking to herself, “The things I do for some of these ponies. Sometimes it seems like everypony is crazy except for me.”

“Okay, let’s... Wait! I almost forgot!” The mint-colored mane quickly ran off before coming back with a couple of aluminum foil hats, quickly placing one on Twilight’s head, causing her to scowl.

“We’ll need these just in case it tries to read our minds. Now we’re ready.”

“I’m sure we will,” Twilight remarked sarcastically. “I'm sure the creature will be so powerful that it'll be able to do things even Princess Celestia and Luna can't do. Can we get this over with so I can go back to telling you off?”

“It’ll work, you’ll see.” With that, the unicorn picked up the trumpet next to her and put it to her lips, asking, “Are you sure you’re ready for this? Dealing with humans is pretty dangerous. Take it from me.”

“Just do it,” Twilight responded, rolling her eyes as she huffed in annoyance.

“Okay, if you say so. I hope you’re ready.”

With that, Lyra blew a long horn blast of the trumpet, letting it sound for as long as she could, until she ran out of air in her lungs. She has her eyes closed as she did it, silently asking Celestia to let this work. She had to admit to herself that the process was very strange, and despite her research, she didn’t know if it would really work. She certainly hoped it would though, even despite how dangerous a human could be. She wanted to prove once and for all that they were real to Twilight, to Bon Bon, to ponykind, to herself.

The two stood quietly in the room once the blast was finished, Twilight staring at the spot the creature was supposed to appear in with an almost bored, slightly scowling look, Lyra having an anxious expression on her face. Except for the chicken in the room running around and occasionally bawking, it was silent.

“Hey Twilight, Lyra,” Spike the dragon called out as he walked into the room, stopping in his tracks as he saw the strangeness of what was in it. “Uhhh… what’s going on in here?” he asked, trying to sound casual as the chicken ran past him, squawking furiously.

“Well, Spike,” Twilight got out, the tone in her voice easy to hear, “Lyra here was just going to help me clean up the mess she made. Isn’t that right, Lyra?”

“Well, just- just give it a minute,” the unicorn stammered. “It- the human could show up at any time! Maybe- maybe we did something wrong! Are you sure you drew the pentagram perfectly? Or maybe our chicken was supposed to be-”

“No, stop. It didn’t work because humans aren’t real. Now help me clean up, and you should make sure that any of the ponies who bought that book know that it’s fiction.”

Lyra frowned at that, mumbling, “It’s not like anypony bought the book anyway since nopony believes me…”

And just as she said that, a bolt of lightning struck dead in the center of the pentagram, bringing a human with it in a flash of light.

Archard felt like he was falling. Or maybe swimming. Weightless? He couldn’t really tell. There was nothing around him to tell him what was happening. No wind, no people, no color at all. It was pitch dark all around him. Or maybe completely white? It was hard to gauge as he floated in space, with nothing to see all around him. But what was he doing here anyway? Maybe he was dead? He was struck by lightning after all.

“I guess I shouldn’t have cast Fulmineum after all. But what did Troy say? Two natural twenties in a row? I wonder what the odds of that were. Not very likely probably, and combined with being struck by lightning, it’s almost impossible. Guess I’m just lucky that way.”

With that thought out of the way, he sat falling or floating in place, staring ahead at the blankness in front of him. He wasn’t afraid, he didn’t feel afraid at all, although he did wonder what he was doing here. Maybe he fell unconscious after being hit and was being taken to the hospital by his friends. Or, more grimly, maybe he really was dead, and this is where he was going to spend the rest of eternity, floating all alone in a colorless void. Rather dull, if you asked him. There were better ways to spend time.

“If this is what it’s like to be dead, then being dead sucks,” he commented aloud.

He didn’t know how long he floated. It could have been a few seconds, or a few centuries, but eventually, he looked up to see… something. He didn’t know what it was. A circle with a star in it? Painted on a wall it looked like? He didn’t know, but it was certainly interesting, seeing as it was the only thing there was to see in this void. And it looked like it was getting closer. A bit ominous, but not really too concerning…

Until it started to approach faster, speeding up rapidly until he hit his head on the brown floor. He could tell it was the floor because gravity made his body flop against it at impact. At least though, he had his hat to protect him from the impact, as well as whatever dangers might await him now that he left the void.

And danger is what he saw upon his arrival, a terrible beast carefully approaching him. He stood kept as still as a statue where he lay, hoping that the creature would lose interest in him, but doing that seemed to only make it more curious, and before long he was staring eye to eye with the beast. Archard could only hope and pray the thing was friendly.

His prayers, however, went unanswered, and the next thing he knew, there was a loud screech filling his ears and a sharp beak painfully hitting the tip of his nose.

“Ow! Get away from me, chicken!” he told the fearsome creature. It, in response, gave another squawk before pecking him again.

“Shoo! Get out of here!” he demanded it, waving his arms and legs in an attempt to drive it off to annoy someone else.

“See, Twilight?” Lyra cried at the thing sprawled on the floor as the feathered beast ran away. “I told you humans are real!”

Twilight stood wide-eyed staring at the creature, the human, sprawled on her floor, waving wildly to get the chicken pecking him to go away. Her brain couldn’t process what she was seeing. She had a million questions running through her head and didn’t know what to ask first. There were so many things to comment on, from how incredibly long and lanky the thing was to just why it seemed to be dressed up in a Star Swirl the Beared outfit. But one question stood out above the rest.

“Wha- I- humans are afraid of chickens?” she got out with a stutter, her jaw practically hitting the floor as she stared at him.

“See, Twilight?” Lyra cried, pointing a hoof at Archard. “I told you humans are real!”

“But- but- but… how?” she asked, practically yelling. “That wasn’t supposed to work! That whole setup had no basis in science at all! How could it have possibly done anything? It doesn’t make sense!”

“Because I’m an expert on humans, Twilight,” Lyra spoke with authority, and a little bit of annoyance at the mare who doubted her knowledge. Although she had to admit, she herself wasn’t even sure it would work. But that didn’t matter now because there was a human, a real live human, right in front of her! She’s always hoped that she’d see one with her own eyes, and now, not only was she seeing one, she actually summoned one! It was more than she ever dreamed of doing!

“I told you everything in that book was real, but you didn’t believe me. But you have to believe this! It’s an actual human right in front of us! Although I have to admit, it’s a lot longer in length than I imagined, and kind of weak looking. They're supposed to be more muscular.” She had to crane her neck to see all of him. He would be almost twice the height of a pony if he stood up.

“I can’t believe there’s an actual human in front of me!” Lyra thought to herself. “A real, live human, one with hands and everything! I can’t believe this! Although it does look different than I imagined it, but still!”

Archard, for his part, was largely oblivious of the two ponies near him, still using a hand to rub his now aching nose. Why that blasted chicken saw fit to hurt him so, he didn’t know, but he was already determining a way to get his revenge as he sat up and rubbed his head.

“So I got struck by lightning and ended up in a library,” he thought as he turned to look around. “One that apparently has a chicken running around in it.” He noticed the many books on the shelves, as well as tables scattered about and other rooms, including a kitchen? That was weird. Most libraries didn't have those as far as he knew.

“Maybe it’s some new type of library, and the kitchen is so that chicken can be turned into a meal, which it deserves. I wonder where I-”

He stopped suddenly as he saw two horses, two ponies, staring back at him cautiously. It was something he’d never expected to see in real life, and he was stunned silent by the sight, frozen in place as he looked back and forth between the two of them.

There was a long moment of silence, one where even the feathered beast that attacked the human stood silently as the three of them stood waiting for some creature to make a move. Then finally, someone spoke.

“You’re Twilight Sparkle and Lyra Heartstrings!” Archard got out excitedly, putting on a wide, happy grin as he stood up to take a step forward.

“Sweet Celestia, that thing is tall…” Twilight thought fearfully as she took a step back. “The book said humans were big, but that thing is over six feet…”

“Quick, Twilight! The net!” Lyra called, spurring the mare into action. She used her magic to throw the net over him, but watched as he used his hands to catch it, long incredible fingers that weaved and twisted through the holes, keeping it from really trapping him.

“Why are you throwing a net over me?” he asked, casually pushing it over him off to the side. “Is it because I’m dressed like Star Swirl? I’m sorry, Twilight… oh! I should take a picture of this! Gonna wanna prove I’m not crazy later. Where is my phone…? I have my watch, but I can't take a picture with that...” He patted himself down for a moment before continuing, "I hope I didn't leave it with Troy. He's gonna drain the battery on that thing and not even charge it probably. Not to mention, there are some pretty embarrassing photos on there."

“Why did the net not work?” Lyra asked aloud. “It should have stopped him! Did we forget to rub garlic on it?”

He stopped where he was, leaving his hands in place on his body and only able to get another step in before he said, “Please tell me you didn’t put garlic on that. My skin is going to break out if you did…”

“How do you know who we are?” the alicorn asked, taking a fearful step towards Archard, her wings outstretched as if to protect Lyra from him. As she did so, she lit up her horn and pushed her magic up to him, watching as it resisted him. It was like there was a forcefield surrounding him, her purple aura not getting closer than a few inches to him. The human couldn’t help but reach his hand out to try and touch it, and watched as the aura pushed away from him, farther back, like his hand and her magic were two alike poles of magnets and repelling each other.

“Whoa, am I doing that? That’s cool! I didn’t know your magic couldn’t touch me, Twilight!”

“I told you humans were dangerous!” Lyra got out. “But noooooo! You didn’t believe me!”

“How do you know who I am?” Twilight asked again, more forcefully this time. “And how are you repelling my magic?”

“I don’t know,” he said, extending his hand farther and watching her magic push back farther as a result, “but it’s really cool! And I know who you are because you’re Twilight Sparkle! You’re the Princess of Friendship and ruler of Equestria!”

“What?” Twilight asked, confused for a moment, raising an eyebrow. “I’m not the ruler of Equestria.”

“Hmmm… Well, I guess you’re not the ruler yet, because you’re still at Golden Oaks Library. But you have alicorn wings, so that means this is after your ascension and before Tirek… wait, do you still have Owlowiscious? Cause after season three or four, he basically disappears. It’s really weird. Kind of jarring how we never see him again.”

“Wait, why would Owlowisious disappear? And what are you talking about, ‘seasons’?” she asked, sounding concerned now before turning to Lyra. “Humans aren’t psychic, are they? I don’t remember reading anything about that in the book.”

“Um, I’ll have to check my notes,” she replied, honestly not really remembering everything she wrote down. “It wouldn’t surprise me though if they were, considering they can read minds already.” As she spoke, she made sure to stay firmly behind the princess’s outstretched wings for safety, in case he were to attack them.

Not that he was thinking of doing such a thing. He was smiling widely at the realization of where he was, looking around the room in awe as though it was the first time he saw a library in his life. To be fair, it was the first time he saw this specific library in real life. He had to suppress the urge to do a skip and a hop in the air in excitement.

“This is amazing! I hope I can meet Starlight, too! She’s my favorite, but you probably don’t know who she is yet. I wonder where Spike is… Oh, there you are!” he said, turning to the dragon down, who had been standing silently watching the scene unfold with a mixture of fear and curiosity. “Wow! You’re a lot smaller in real life! It’s adorable.”

“Hey!” the dragon got out, breaking out of his surprise and frowning. “I’m not small, and I’m definitely not adorable!”

“You’re adorable as hell! Especially when you try to scowl at me like that, it only makes you cuter! All of you are, and it’s amazing.” He couldn’t help but laugh at the sight of them, flashing his teeth as he did.

“It’s a carnivore!” Twilight and Lyra called out at the same time, both of them taking a step back away from him, more nervous and a bit more afraid than they were before. “It has canines!” Twilight continued. What if he tried to eat them? What would they do to stop him, especially if Twilight’s magic didn’t work on him?

“I’m not a carnivore! I eat plants! Although, I definitely do eat meat, too, but still. It’s an inaccurate label.”

Twilight cringed at his confirmation and took another step back, keeping her eyes firmly fixed on him as she said, “Spike, go get my friends, please.”

“Already on it,” he confirmed to her before running out the door and down the street.

“Lyra,” Twilight started anxiously, “humans… they don’t eat ponies do they?”

“No, we don’t eat ponies,” Archard jumped in and explained for her. “I would never eat you, although some people do eat horses.” He said it nonchalantly, although once he saw the look on their faces, he realized his mistake and quickly tried to backtrack.

“Not that I would,” he continued, rubbing his forehead as he laughed nervously. “I wouldn’t, and haven’t. I mostly eat beef.” He turned his head to the terrible feathered beast, glaring at it and adding, “And chickens,” the bird bawking in response.

He stared down the creature as Lyra and Twilight took another fearful step back, cringing at the thought of it. What if the human ate one of Applejack’s cows, like Bessie or Daisy Jo? The mare couldn’t stand the thought of it, and shuddered to herself because of it.

“Lyra, this is all your fault,” the purple pony whispered as the two watched Archard carefully, who now had his hands on his hips as he entered into a staring contest with the bird. “Why’d you include instructions for how to summon a dangerous creature in the back of the book? That’s just horribly irresponsible.”

“I told you humans were really dangerous, Twilight,” Lyra whispered back, telling her off. “But nooooooo, you just didn’t want to believe they existed like I told you. So you’re the irresponsible one.”

“I just hope my friends get here soon. I can only imagine what it’s capable of.”

“Humph, you should be ashamed of yourself for attacking me like that,” the human scolded the chicken, using a hand to rub his nose again. "It was completely uncalled for."

Spike made his way through Ponyville as quickly as he could, excusing himself and apologizing as he bumped and ran into multiple ponies. He didn’t know who he should try and round up first, but somehow found himself at Rarity’s boutique after a few minutes of running.

“Should I really let some dangerous monster try to eat Rarity?” he thought to himself, contemplating for a moment before shaking the thought from his head. “Rarity is a strong mare. She can handle herself. Besides, she’s the Element of Generosity. Twilight will need her help.”

With that in mind, he ran through the door, immediately bumping into the flank of a fluffy white marshmallow as he entered.

“Oh, Spikey-Wikey!” she cheerfully said as she turned around. “I was hoping you’d come around today! I wanted to see if you could help me with some of my clothing designs! I need somepony to try them on for me, and Sweetie Belle is out playing with her two friends right now, trying to earn their cutie marks as always. Something about being lumberjacks, I believe. I just hope she doesn't come back covered in tree sap like she always seems to do.” She frowned at the thought before shaking her head and continuing, "Anyway, what do you say about helping me out today, hmm Spike?"

“Well, um, I would, but we can’t because-”

“Oh, please Spike? You’d be doing me a really big favor.” She fluttered her eyelashes at him in an attempt to woo him, continuing, “I might even let you have a few gems as a treat for helping me.”

“I can’t because-”

“Pleaaaassseee?” she begged, pursing her lips and giving him the best pouty face she could make. “You’d make me one very happy mare if you did. I really need your help. Please?”

“I’d really love to Rarity, but-”

“Perfect! Oh, thank you, Spikey!” she interrupted as she used her magic to lift him up, giving him a kiss on the cheek before carrying him off to her dressing room. It made him blush and caused hearts to form in his eyes, the dragon practically forgetting what he came to see Rarity for.

“Well, I guess Twilight can wait a little bit,” he thought to himself, smiling bashfully as he was carried off. "I'm sure it's not that dangerous."

“Uh, why are you two still looking at me like that?” Archard asked as he tilted his head, noticing the nervous looks on Lyra and Twilight’s faces. “I don’t have something in my teeth, do I?” he asked, using a fingernail to scratch at a non-existent piece of spinach on his front tooth. As he did so, his stomach grumbled, getting the two ponies to take another step back.

“We were just, umm…” Twilight trailed off, trying to think of an excuse. She looked around the room nervously as she tried to come up with something.

“Think, Twilight. Magic doesn’t work on it, it’s a dangerous creature, and it’s hungry. What do we do….?”

“Man, I could really use something to eat right about now… I wonder what a hay burger tastes like… I know you just met me, but do you have anything to eat?”

She instinctively brought up a forcefield between the two of them and Archard at that, continuing, “Uh, no. But, um, we, uh… just wanted to show you something! It’s, um, it’s down in my lab. You should, uh… follow us! But not too closely, please. And please don’t touch anything.”

“God, even when you look nervous, you two are cute as hell. I just wanna pet you and snuggle you until I die. I bet your fur is really soft… Oh! You should let me pet you! All the fanfictions I read say ponies like to be petted, and I know that horses in real life like to get petted, too.”

“Please don’t touch us,” the purple mare responded quickly, before backtracking. “I mean, um, maybe… maybe you can pet us later! But first you have to come down to my lab. Don’t you wanna see what’s down there?”

“Hmmmm… I do… but it’d be cooler to see Ponyville! I wanna go out there and pet everypony until they die from my petting.”

“No!” Lyra and Twilight both shouted at the same time, suddenly enough to make him jump back in surprise. “I mean, uh… m-maybe you can see them later!” Twilight told him nervously, giving an anxious smile. “But let’s go to my lab first, please. I would really, really like it if you went down there with me.” She lit up her horn to try to grab at him again, straining as she tried to make her magic make contact with his skin and frowning as it refused to do so.

“Well, I guess seeing your lab would be fun. Oh! You should give me a tour of the library! After all, we don’t know how much longer it’ll be around, seeing as you got your wings and all.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Twilight asked, fearing the answer.

“Oh, I just mean that it won’t be here,” he explained. “At the end of season four, Tirek destroys it while you fight him, and then you go to live in a castle. Honestly, your fight with him was pretty badass, especially in the Them Bones pmv. It’s really cool. Where is my phone so I can show you…?”

“That’s not a good sign, Twilight,” Lyra explained. “It’s probably psychic, and that’s how it knows that your library is going to be destroyed.”

“It can’t know that! Nopony, nocreature, can predict the future with certainty!”

“Yeah, I’m not psychic!” Archard agreed. “Well, I mean, I guess I am from your perspective, but still. I only know because I saw it happen. I guess from your perspective I’m from the future. I think anyway. Maybe. Time is kind of weird.”

“When is that going to happen?” the mare asked, getting more worked up as something else was unloaded onto her. “Who is Tirek? What are they going to do? How are we going to stop him?”

“I don’t know cause I don’t know what episode it is right now, Tirek is a centaur, he’s going to try and steal everypony’s magic, and you’ll defeat him with the power of friendship, of course!” Archard answered happily. Then his stomach grumbled again, and he asked, “Really, do you have anything to eat? I’m kinda hungry, and haven’t had anything since… well, I don’t know how long I was in that void, but a few hours at least.”

“No,” the princess told him with authority. “You need to come with me to my lab so I can study you. Now let’s go.”

“Okay,” he shrugged nonchalantly, still smiling as he said, “Wow, this is amazing!”

“Oh, I hope my friends get here soon,” Twilight thought anxiously, making sure to keep her head slightly turned to keep an eye on him.

“Am I doing it right?” Spike asked as he put a hand on his hip while he tried on a suit and bowtie, complete with a little tophat. “This feels kind of silly.”

“Oh, you look absolutely fabulous, darling,” Rarity giggled as she inspected him. “Now be sure to hold that pose for me.”

“Sure thing, Rarity,” Spike answered obediently, staying motionless as Rarity used her magic to draw in a sketchbook. “What are you drawing?”

“Oh, I’m just touching up on a few designs I’ve been working on, dear,” Rarity explained. “Seeing an outfit on somepony helps me find what can be improved. Speaking of which, I do think it’s about time to touch up on our Gala dresses. I’m sure Twilight’s dress especially could use some improvements. You’ll be able to help me with that, too, right Spike?”

The dragon blushed and opened his mouth to speak before a moment of realization came to him. The mention of Twilight brought Spike back to Equestria, and he broke his pose as he remembered what he was supposed to be doing.

“Rarity! Twilight needs your help!”

“Of course she does, darling,” the unicorn responded without looking up. “I hardly think she’d be able to design a dress without my help. It would be quite… functional would be the polite word.”

“No, Twilight actually needs your help!” he explained. “There’s this thing she and Lyra Heartstrings saw, a hoo-man. Twilight was reading a book about it, and I think those two used a spell or something to bring one into the library! And it had sharp teeth and was really tall and wore weird clothes and knew who we were and- and- and they said they need your help!”

“Well, why didn’t you say so sooner, Spike?” Rarity asked. “If my friends need me, I’ll be there in a- wait, did you say weird clothes?”

“Yeah, it looked really weird and had weird clothes… it was wearing a pointy hat on its head, and a robe too, like Twilight’s Star Swirl costume, I think. I thought it looked kind of wet, too, and a little bit dirty.”

“Well, if it looks anything like Twilight’s Nightmare Night costume, then we simply must rush over there this instant! We have to stop a fashion crime from taking place!”

“But remember also that Twilight said it was really dang-”

“No time, Spike!” she replied as she quickly gathered some fabric with her magic. “You gather the others while I head down to Twilight’s library so I can face that creature head on! I can’t in good faith leave anypony to suffer wearing such a tacky costume!" With that, she ran off, out of the boutique, before quickly trotting back and flipping her sign to CLOSED, heading back off after that.

“She’s such a brave mare,” Spike thought, lovestruck before shaking his head clear. “Need to get the others. Rainbow Dash and Pinkie should be helping Applejack on the farm, and Fluttershy will be in her cottage…”

He knew the way to both those places, and knew that both those places were past the opposite ends of the town. He grumbled to himself because of it. Why couldn’t ponies just live closer together? He didn’t even have magic or wings or anything, only his legs to carry him where he needed to go. It annoyed him that he would have to travel so far because Twilight and Lyra decided to summon some creature.

“She’s lucky I care about her,” Spike thought to himself as he took off running again, bumping into more ponies, a few of the same ones he already ran into.

“I’m sorry!” he apologized as he ran, changing from a sprint to a jog the farther he went, quickly running out of breath as he moved along. He knew he wasn’t in the best shape as he ran, but he didn’t think he was this bad off.

He was inhaling quick, heavy breaths as he finally stopped running when he made it to the cottage a few minutes later, putting a hand on the walls of the home as he gasped for breath.

“Man, I really need to work out,” he thought to himself as he closed his eyes, almost wheezing. “Why does Twilight do this to me? She could have had me watch the hoo-man with Lyra… it didn’t seem that dangerous to me, and it looked scared of chickens. It wouldn’t be that bad.”

“Spike!” Fluttershy called out as the dragon made his way up to the door, stopping him before he could knock. “It’s so nice to see you again. It’s been a little while… are you okay? You don’t look well.”

“I… I… I’m fine… just… give me a minute…” he got out breathlessly, putting a hand on his knee. Fluttershy stepped back to give him room to breathe, Spike continuing after a minute, “I ran… I ran… all the way here… to tell you…”

“Oh, you look completely worn out,” Fluttershy said sympathetically as she lifted him into her hooves. “Why don’t you let me make you some tea?”

“Tea would… be great… but I need…”

“Oh, hush now, Spike, you don’t say another word,” the pegasus interrupted. “I know you need time to rest and catch your breath. Come here.” With that, she lifted her into his wings and brought her into the cottage, laying him down on his back on a sofa.

“You just get some rest now, Spike. I’ll go make some tea and be back when it’s ready, okay?” The yellow pegasus didn’t wait for an answer as she went into her kitchen to make the drink.

“A minute to rest won’t be too bad,” he thought as he closed his eyes, planning to open them again in a little while.

“Wow, your library is much smaller than I thought it was,” Archard commented as he was led through it. “It’s, like, smaller than my apartment. It’s tiny! Or maybe I’m just big and… no, it’s small.”

“Well, um, technically, it’s not my library,” Twilight explained, unable to resist the urge to educate him despite her fear. “It belongs to the town of Ponyville. I’m just being lent it. My home is in Canterlot.”

“Hmmmm, that’s interesting,” he commented. “Well, it’s still tiny. I wish I could take a picture, but I’m almost certain Troy and Mike have my phone… I wonder what they’re thinking. I bet they wish they could be here. I am so gonna brag about this to them. Like, all the time, every chance I get.”

“Can humans really destroy entire forests in the blink of an eye?” Lyra piped up, still a bit nervous, but more curious and less scared because of Archard’s happy demeanor.

“Yup,” he responded. “Well, maybe not in the blink of an eye, but a few days, I think. Well, not me personally. It would take me alone forever to do. But if you got a bunch of us and a few machines it could be done. Unless you had a nuke...”

“That’s really interesting…” Lyra said as she kept mental notes, walking backwards and hitting her flank into a wall. “Ow! Uhh… what is a nuke?”

“It’s a big bomb filled with radiation that can basically destroy a whole city,” he explained, causing Twilight's eye to twitch as she stopped her walk. “Don’t worry,” he told her casually, waving his hand to indicate his lack of concern. “Equestria has nothing like that as far as I know, and I certainly don’t know how to make a nuclear bomb. If I did, my life would be very different right about now. I’d be very rich for one thing.”

“Oh, this is bad, this is bad, this is bad,” Twilight thought frantically as she forced herself to lead him down the steps and into the basement of the library. “Why did we have to bring him here? This was a horrible, horrible idea.” She looked over to Lyra briefly, and noticed that she seemed to believe what it said, smiling as she walked backwards and asked more questions. “Well, I guess she seems to think it’s safe enough, or at least she trusts what it’s saying… hopefully that’s a good thing. Although it could be lying… oh, this was a terrible idea…”

She did think it was weird that it spoke Ponish, but there were a whole lot of weird things about it so far, like how incredibly, incredibly tall it was and how it knew who they were and why it was afraid of chickens… well, maybe not afraid, but it clearly didn't like them. Speaking of which…

“Lyra, can you go back and get the chicken?” Twilight asked. “I’ll lead him down while you bring it with us.”

“Awww, I don’t see why that thing has to come with us,” Archard complained, crossing his arms. “It was mean to me…”

“You wouldn’t do anything to hurt us, would you… what’s your name?” Lyra asked as she used her magic to levitate the chicken over to them.

“Archard. Archard Otieno, from a great line of Otienos, let me tell you. And nope, I would never do anything to hurt you. Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my ey- ow! That hurts…”

“Well, at least it Pinkie promised, although I’m not sure how it knows that that’s… do Pinkie promises even apply to other creatures? I hope they do…”

“Has the thing with the Everfree forest happened yet? With the black plants and stuff and the seeds?”

“Uh, what?”

“Okay, so that’s a no,” Archard continued. “So then this is definitely just after the season three finale and before the season four premiere, which is helpful. Also, you probably still don’t know how to use your wings correctly.”

“I know how to use my wings!” the mare said defensively, flapping them a bit embarrassedly. “Let’s just… let’s just keep going, please. And don’t touch anything.”

“You already said that,” the human replied as they continued, waiting a moment before continuing, “You know, from your expressions, I would almost say you’re afraid of me. But that doesn’t make sense, because why would you be afraid of me? I’m not a scary person. My mom thinks I’m awesome!”

“I’m sure she does,” Twilight thought sarcastically to herself, rolling her eyes as they started to descend down the steps into the basement of the library, where her lab was set up.

It looked like a stereotypical laboratory setup, like something out of a TV show in his opinion. There were different colored liquids filled into beakers and test tubes set up for what the human could only assume to be different experiments, as well as microscopes sitting on a desk and many more books, almost as many as were in the main part of the library itself. There was an eyewash station and a few sinks and, most notably, a large table set up with many interesting sharp tools next to it that looked to be for experimenting on ponies. Or people he guessed, seeing as it was definitely big enough for him to lay down on.

“Okay, uh, Arching, get on,” Twilight said, trying once again to grab him with his magic and failing.

“It’s Archard, and I have to admit, this looks… a bit extreme, I have to say. You’re not Orochimaru, are you? Experimenting on ponies to try and learn every magic spell possible? Cause honestly, I don’t think I’d put it past you, especially since it’s still early in the series at this point.”

“What? No! These tools are for dissecting wild plants and cutting open packages that I get. Why would you think I would do something like that?”

“I don’t know. You’re kind of crazy sometimes. I mean, there was that time you hypnotized the whole town into liking Smarty Pants because you thought Celestia would send you back to magic kindergarten if you didn’t turn in a friendship lesson, so…”

“That- that was d-different!” she stammered angrily, stomping a hoof as the fur near her cheeks started to turn bright red. “And no, I would never do anything like that! I wouldn’t ever hurt any creature, not even a fly!”

“I mean, I’m sure you’ve hurt a fly at some point in your life, and you did kill Sombra without a second thought, but…. I think I see what you’re saying. I’ll trust you. Where do I lay down at?”

“Hold it! Hold everything!” someone, Rarity, demanded, as she quickly descended the steps into the lab, ignoring Twilight, Lyra, and the chicken in Lyra’s magical grasp as she marched up to Archard and inspected him carefully.

“Oh, hi Rari-”

“Not now, dear,” she interrupted, shutting him down as she looked him over, walking around in a circle and inspecting every inch of him. Twilight and Lyra were both dead silent as she did so, not knowing what they should say about the situation. Archard himself stood happily as the mare circled, taking him in for a long minute before speaking again.

“Yup, just as I expected. This outfit is incredibly tacky, not even in season. The stitching is poor and the stars are misaligned, and I mean, who outside of Twilight would even consider wearing a Star Swirl the Bearded outfit? I must say, this costume is simply dreadful.”

“Hey! Star Swirl isn’t that bad!” the alicorn protested. “And get away from him! That’s a dangerous creature! It said it could destroy the whole town!”

“Well, it certainly doesn’t look like a dangerous creature that could destroy the town; it looks like a creature much in need of a fashionista to design an outfit change for it. I mean, whoever designed this thing did a horrendous job.”

“Hey!” It was now Archard’s turn to protest, looking down at the outfit he put together. He had to admit, it was a bit raggedy looking after so many outings he’d spent in it, but still. He spent weeks stitching it himself!

“I mean, it’s not that bad… I don’t think so anyway. Sure, it could be touched up here and there, but…”

“Darling, it’s positively awful. But not to worry! Rarity is here now to make it all better! We’ll get you into something stylish, something you can wear with pride!” She said it, then looked him up and down and continued, “Although it might take me a bit to figure out what it should be, given your… unique figure…”

“Shit! I don’t have any other clothes with me!” he suddenly realized. “Do you think you could design me a pair of pants? And underwear? Actually, a few pairs probably. It's gonna get pretty icky if I’m not able to change every day.”

“Pants… not something I’ve seen very many ponies wear, and with how you’re built… it would be a challenge, but a challenge I shall accept! We’ll just need to find a color that suits your coat color! Errr… uh, skin color. It’s quite unique, almost a sort of pinkish-beige color I would say. Not something I see very often, but never fear! Rarity is here!”

“We don’t have time for this, Rarity!” Twilight told her. “That thing is dangerous! We need to… where are the rest of our friends?”

“I believe they’re being summoned here by Spike. Quite sorry for the delay. I was having Spike try on a few outfits before he told me what was happening.”

“Delay? What delay?”

“Oh it was only a little while, maybe five minutes or so. Still, I’m sorry I didn’t rush here sooner, otherwise I might have been able to get that horrid thing off of him before you dragged him down here.”

“Never mind that! Help Lyra and I get him restrained!”

“Uhhh…” Archard trailed off as Twilight and Lyra approached slowly, Rarity using her magic to try and tug his cape and hat off.

“My magic doesn’t seem to be taking to him, Twilight.”

“I don’t know why, but mine isn’t doing anything either. It seems like it resists him. We were going to just use our hooves, but keep in mind that that thing is dangerous.”

“I’ll keep in mind that he’s dangerously unfashionable,” the white mare replied before she moved up to tug on his outfit, completely unconcerned. One hoof was working on his cape and cloak while the other had wormed its way to his hand, causing him to inhale in surprise.

“Whoa! You’re really soft!” he told her. “Like, really, really soft, like a marshmallow!”

She stopped moving as she felt his hands rubbing the fur on her leg, frowning as she told him, “Why I say! That’s an awfully rude thing to tell somepony who’s trying to help you. I should just, whoa! Oh my…”

“Rarity? What’s going on? What are you doing to her, Arching? What’s happening, Lyra?”

“Hmmm, I don’t know…” she trailed off, frowning a bit as she observed the scene. “I knew humans hands were powerful, but I’m not sure just how powerful they are. Maybe he’s trying to subdue her?”

“Get away from her, Arching!” Twilight demanded, stomping a hoof as she took a step in his direction.

“She’s so soft!” Archard smiled as his hands worked their way up to the mare’s neck and face, scratching her happily, her hind hoof thumping a bit in pleasure. “I have to scratch her! I can’t help it!”

‘Oh, those hands of yours feel divine, even better than Spikey’s…” she said, sighing in contentment and craning her neck a bit. “Don’t tell him I said that though…”

“Get away from Rarity!” Lyra told him. “Humans are very dangerous! He could hurt you!”

“Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t… this just simply feels too good…”

“Get your claws off of her!” Twilight demanded as Archard continued, closing his eyes as he petted and scratched the unicorn, able to feel and hear Rarity start to purr.

“But it’s so soft…” he responded, almost as happy petting her as Rarity was being petted.

Twilight frowned nervously, afraid of what he might do, and, aiming her horn so that she didn’t hit her friend, sent a beam of magic his way, watching as it hit him and caused him to fall to the floor.

“Oh god!” he got out, his eyes shut tightly now. “Oh god! Hahahahaha! Oh god, that tickles! Make it- hahahahaha! Make it stop! Ahahahaha!”

“Mmmm- huh? Why ever did you make him stop?” Rarity complained, putting on a pouty face. “He was doing such a good job…”

“He’s dangerous, Rarity,” Twilight spoke with authority. “Lyra’s book has a hundred things in it saying what he could do. He said he eats cows! What would Applejack think if we let him loose?”

Rarity’s face changed from a pout to a grimace at that news, responding, “Well, when you put it like that… besides, I brought material here to get him a new outfit. We might as well get started on that…” She reached her hooves down again to pick him up, and flinched back and cried out as she was shocked by electricity, the human still laughing.

“Ow! It shocked me!” she got out, giving a little shiver as the electricity traveled through her. “What in Equestria did you do to him, Twilight?”

“It wasn’t that strong of a blast I shot at him,” she explained as she reached down herself to pick up the creature, Arcahrd rolled over on his stomach and kicking his feet as the tickling slowly started to die down. “It should’ve just been enough to knock him away from- ow! What the hay?”

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry! It’s just-” he got out breathlessly, still laughing hard. “It tickles so much, it’s making my stomach hurt!”

“Oh, ow… ah!” Twilight grunted painfully, trying to lift him up for a few seconds before giving up because of the shocks. “Ugh, note to self: magic that can touch him tickles him and turns into electricity for us.”

“That’s very interesting!” Lyra commented. “There’s so much stuff to learn from it! I think I could write a follow-up book if I have enough material! And now that we know humans are real, hundreds of ponies will buy it!”

“Whatever, let’s just get him on the table, okay?” Twilight said, rolling her eyes and placing her hooves on him again. "Ow!"